Breaking and grieving

Breaking and grieving

When love ends unexpectedly

When our partner decides that it is no longer up to her to be by our side, that she has stopped feeling, when this comes to us without wanting it, without waiting for it, it causes us a difficult pain to cope with.

Everyone, at some point in our lives, will have experienced a grieving for loss of partner. It is one of the most common duels and yet one of the most frequent therapy reasons at all ages. When someone we thought would be forever leaves us, initially a feeling of disbelief, we refuse to believe that what we are living may be happening, followed by a feeling of Incomprehension Why has this happened to us? Why us? Guilty feeling What will we have done wrong? sadness and despair. Usually we are left with a tumult of feelings and emotions where pain, crying crisis, and reluctance prevail.

How to overcome the duel after a couple breakup

There are many ways to cope with the duel, none is more correct than another, it depends on each person, however it is important to point out some tips that can help us overcome this emotional blow.

Not repress our emotions

As some authors express “Negative emotions that are buried alive, never die" When we repress emotions by denying them their expression, the effect of that inhibition is channeled inwards. In the long term, this emotion that was inhibited ends up expressing itself through other bodily or psychic forms such as insomnia, muscle aches, headaches, psychosomatic diseases or in the form of a delayed duel. The latter is one in which initially they do not give apparent signs of suffering, but after a few months, or even years, begin to manifest in the person feelings of guilt, sadness, loneliness and despair, which can be triggered by a situation Stressful vital, a family discussion, may be enough to unmask an unworked duel. That is why we must allow ourselves to feel what we feel, if we want to cry, allow ourselves to cry, we should not set ourselves time limit. Crying is a natural defense mechanism to undo accumulated tensions, do not suppress crying, do not try to stop or disguise pain, seek external support, listen to music with which we feel identified, in short, let it flow.

Give productivity to time

We know that at the beginning it costs work, we do not want to see anyone, or do anything, we just want to talk about what our partner was, to think about the projects in common that cannot be carried out, every time the phone rings or we see the WhatsApp, we will hope it is her, and we will be more sad when we see that it is not. It happens to all of us, to overcome a rupture is not something that is achieved overnight, we need time, but what is the use of this time if we do nothing with it? If we look at the things that formed the good times, remembering, again and again that we don't have them, suffering and discomfort will be all the time. It is not time that heals wounds, it is we, and how we use that time that makes this possible.

Keep us busy

Once the first few weeks have passed, it is important that we get up and plan our days, give ourselves the opportunity to decide what we want to do today, and not just think what we would be doing with our partner today Friday if we continued together, let us decide what things Nice we want to do today for ourselves. This is important since when we are sad about the loss, our brain works in a similar way to a depressive episode, this is due to the deficit of a neurotransmitter called serotonin. When serotonin levels are adequate, our brain is capable of producing positive emotions and thoughts, while when they are too low, negative thoughts and feelings appear. To increase serotonin levels, it is necessary to perform activities, whether physical or psychic, although ideally we would combine both. Activities such as walking, being in touch with nature, going to the gym, doing yoga, swimming, biking, hanging out with friends, meeting new people etc. Think of this new situation as an opportunity to live new experiences, not necessarily love, that will make us return to recover the pleasure of being with ourselves.

Change the environment

It is important that we reduce the association object - memory, storing or getting rid of many of the things that are around the house that remind us of what our partner was, the photographs, the notes with his letter, clothing ... Sometimes it may be useful to make some changes in the environment of the house, add some picture, change the color or distribution of the room etc., this will provide us with the vision of a positive change that will improve our mood.


Let's not despair if we see that a few months have passed and we continue thinking about what our partner was, we have to be aware that that person shared a stage of our life with us, and that it is a fact that we cannot erase, that in a way or another we have changed, evolved and / or learned from it and with it, even if the relationship was not the desired one, we must learn for the future what we don't want in our life, what we don't want to repeat.

It is no use hating or holding a grudge against that person, no matter how much damage it caused us it will not make us feel better, it will only cause us more pain and if this person doesn't love us anymore, let's try not to give him the power to continue in our mind. It is true that sometimes we would like to have a magic bar and undo the pain and those feelings that sadden us, but if this were possible, we would not become aware of what we do not want to repeat, we would not know the value of things, and we would not learn from they. Remember that "We do not learn from our successes as much as from our failures" So do not despair if it is still in our mind, learn from our feelings, our emotions, do not hold a grudge and do not try to hurry out of the storm, because when we least expect it, calm will come.