Is the couple in crisis living together?

Is the couple in crisis living together?

"The more space you allow and encourage within a relationship, the more that relationship will thrive." Wayne Dyer

Traditional norms imposed that incompatible partners continue to be united for the sake of their children, at least until they were adults. Education was the first function of the family and should be fulfilled under the shelter of the parents' coexistence. Let us remember what Catholicism traditionally imposes regarding marriage, "until death do us part." This has caused many of our ancestors to remain together since it was impossible to consider a marriage break since it was frowned upon. Many people reading this paragraph will agree that they have lost their lives next to someone who had already stopped wanting simply because the rules so imposed. I had to endure misunderstandings on the part of my parents and grandparents in explaining my decision to break the marriage commitment that I had acquired simply by not making sense of my own personal growth next to that person who years before had filled me with happiness. Today, that individuals put their own fulfillment before the father's mission, many think that incompatible couples deserve the opportunity to free themselves to find a more adequate person and greater emotional satisfaction. To this is added that, divorcing and exercising paternity separately, the growth and self-realization of all adults and children is favored.

The decision to undo the couple constitutes a crucial moment in the married life and familiar. The end of a marriage, or of a coexistence, requires both partners to immediately rethink a shared life project until that day, and can have a certain effect, negative or positive, on parents and children. Many people will believe that having children should stay together for their sake and that is not entirely true. For a child, it is much better for their parents to be separated if it brings them personal well-being, which will improve relations with the child based on their emotional maturity. Parents will continue to exercise their role with a higher quality separately than if they were together, just because they had a child because their own dissatisfactions would emerge in the education of their children.

Today, it tends to privilege personal happiness over family, whereby, if a marriage is not satisfactory, it is not considered obliged to remain united for the sake of the children.

The change in male and female roles in recent decades causes the increase in marital instability in our time.

The more the woman works away from home, the fewer children she has, she has received more education, her self-esteem has increased, her ideas about the distribution of family roles are less traditional and it is easier for a separation to occur. In families where the husband has lost his job, sexual problems are exacerbated. self esteem, of alcohol abuse or of drugs and the cases of violence They multiply. In violent behavior it is possible for man to find a substitute for lost virility (in his eyes) and for the decrease of his job prospects. In addition, masculinity is associated with control over others and over oneself: man is destined for action, he cannot allow himself to be weak, to show himself and feel vulnerable as a woman.

Modern couples can be particularly rich, stimulating and happy when their members share a life project in common, but they have a high risk of failure if they limit their personal development. Personal development is today an important objective that is still pursued at the cost of ruptures, transfers, job changes, acquisition of new skills and self analysis. In this process, loss and grief accompany the growth and affirmation of individuality.

It is considered that the love bond is the appropriate way to achieve the personal project of life, which constitutes the fundamental objective of the individuals in our society. When an affective bond is interrupted, it is normal that one wishes not to suffer more, freeing yourself from the unsatisfactory relationship, and finding a way to live more pleasantly, alone or with another partner.

The emotional separation It may appear long before physical separation. It begins when one of the members of the couple observes the deterioration of the relationship and tries to remedy it, but does not succeed. Gradually, the spouse in crisis loses hope that things will improve and begins to imagine that it is not worth maintaining the bond. Hate, jealousy, indignation and other negative feelings are defensive reactions to the pain and anguish felt by the partners who are left by the other, but who are still united in the emotional aspect. As they refuse to accept the end, many of them try to exorcise the pain and accuse the former partner or the world; They feed revenge desires and accumulate anger and resentment. Falling in love is one of the most desired and most feared experiences at the same time; because, being extraordinarily enriching for personal growth, if love dies, it can cause very serious damage to our psyche and block our development.

For some, the end of a relationship is an intolerable and inadmissible episode; a failure that generates serious feelings of guilt. This phenomenon appears in particular when only one of the spouses wants to break the union, and the other, who has not perhaps perceived the process of deterioration of the relationship, is surprised by this decision. But time and self analysis make the separation finally live as a need to improve our personal growth.