Phylophobia: Does the fear of love really exist?

Phylophobia: Does the fear of love really exist?


You may have heard of the term "philosophobia." If not, do not worry, now you will know a little more about this disorder that is becoming more common in the field of relationships.

The simplest definition of phylophobia is: "fear of love, of having a relationship or of emotionally or emotionally engaging with other people."

But why the nature of this fear? Is love really something that is designed to cause us fears?

Well, let's start from the beginning: What is fear?


  • 1 What is fear?
  • 2 Is love a threat to be afraid of
  • 3 A way of being, marked by the past
  • 4 What can I do if I suffer from phylophobia?
  • 5. Conclusions

What is fear?

Fear is a natural indicator that shows us the existence of a capacity difference between the problem that we have before us and our own abilities to overcome this problem.

Therefore, we reach a simple conclusion: "If there is no difference between what threatens us and what we have to deal with it, fear will not appear."

Simple truth?.

Well now we apply it to the field of love and relationships. What is the problem in this case and what causes the threat?

If I rely on my experience and the people I treat who suffer from phylophobia, more than 75% do not know what is the cause of their fears.

They simply feel that fear, fall under its effect and continue inertia until it leads them to their safety site, probably away from that person they supposedly loved so much.

What is the main problem here? Well, as I just told you, fear is an indicator, so its mission is to transmit information to us, that we process it and use it in our favor.

Therefore, when you fall into the effect of fear without even hearing what he has to tell you, you find yourself feeling that you are suffering for something and do not know why.

This is the reason why many couples who suffer from this disorder are not able to visualize their fears.

And with this, we conclude that locating the threat and identifying our fears, becomes one of the crucial and basic steps to overcome this problem.

We already know what fear is and the "real" role it charges in people with phylophobia. But that is not all.

Is love a threat to be afraid of

The fear of love really isn't quite true. When you suffer from this disorder, you are afraid, yes, but it is not love, nor the person in front of you.

That fear is to many other factors in which the protagonist of them all, guess who he is? FOR YOURSELF.

I have dealt with people who, when they begin to locate and identify their fears, discover that in reality that fear can be:

  • To change lifestyle
  • To have more responsibilities
  • That the other person doesn't love you
  • For the other person to leave you
  • To not value you to the same extent you can do it
  • To not commit
  • I cheated on you
  • To lie to you
  • To lose your single privileges
  • … etc etc…

And then they begin to approach the problem from another point of view. A different approach and that has its beginning inside and not outside.

Fear does not come from your environment, nor from the reality you are living, but it comes from within you and your way of being.

A way of being, marked by the past

Typically, phylophobia usually originates when a person suffers from a traumatic, critical or difficult experience in their past, and is unable to get rid of that past and does not affect their present.

But if you realize, it works with almost every aspect of our life. We are what we are and we feel what we feel, because of what we live in our past.

We are an extension of who we were then and therefore, if you experience a difficult situation in your sentimental life, it is normal for you to relive that same emotion when that situation is repeated.

Imagine that in your first relationship, it deceives you several times (as it was in my case).

What happens at that moment and how does it unlink? Suffering on your part, both for leaving your partner, as for the damage that has caused you on a personal level.

What happens when I have a new relationship with someone and experience what is happening to me with my ex? Well, I will feel that suffering again automatically.

And what happens when this is repeated over and over again? Well, your mind is used to that situation will cause you suffering, so the next time you will be more cautious and will warn you even before anything happens.

What happens then? That the person feels fear before anything bad happens.

Afraid of what? For the end to happen that your mind expects to happen.

What is that ending? An ending that is supposed to be based on what you know about the past, that is, it assimilates that the couple's relationship is the same as suffering, so when you start a relationship, you will automatically feel fear without even knowing why or finding justified reason for it. sit down

So, our past has a brutal influence on what happens to us in our present, because as I just explained, we are a perfected extension of it. It is for that reason that you have to be always alert and fully aware, submit to the filter of reality every thing that happens to you in which any negative emotion intervenes, and even more fear.

This will make it easier for you to disassociate yourself from the influence that your past may have on you, and even more so when that influence is not at all beneficial for you.

What can I do if I suffer from phylophobia?

After having explained this, it is concluded that Phylophobia is an emotional disorder that causes dysfunctional fear.

What does this mean? That is not based on anything logical or real that you can measure with the tools you have right now in your present. It's what we just talked about the influence of the past on us. People are afraid because they are used to feeling because of their own past.

What happens when I submit that fear to the filter of the reality of now, of my own present? Well, you start to see that it is not sustained by anything reasonable nor does it have logical causes that make you determine that you have the right to feel that fear.

Therefore, what is it to overcome phylophobia? In turn that dysfunctional fear into functional fear, that is, to make the only fear we can feel logically and naturally be common and totally justified.

It is logical to be afraid to take a step in your life, to change the way you carry it or to the reaction that the other person may have towards you. But what is not logical is to have and experience that fear, to get carried away by it when there has not even been a logical and informed indication that there is a real threat.

When you have phylophobia, you put the threat on it, you interpret it and you invent it. And you know based on what? How has your past been on the subject of sentimental relationships.

When you put everything that happens to you on trial and try to find a logical and normal justification based on today and not yesterday, this disorder begins to lose strength and power and you begin to regain control of your emotions.


The fear of love does not really exist, or is poorly focused. It is not love that provokes fear, it is not our partner, nor the facts that she performs that condition us to run away to hide from her.

That type of fear is provoked by ourselves and is based on many factors totally different from the feeling of love. Factors that become excuses to justify that fear and feel "right" with ourselves.

Excuses how to predict what will happen to us, before it happens, compare all the relationships with which it caused us some damage in our past, let us influence and fall into the effect of fear, without even hearing or analyzing what it is about to tell us, etc ...

Therefore, do you want to overcome your philosopher? Focus on transforming that dysfunctional fear you have right now, into a functional fear and that is based on your reality today and not your reality yesterday. Your reality of "yesterday", now only serves to bring you problems, so go from it.

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