In detail

Self-revelations, what are they and what are they for?

Self-revelations, what are they and what are they for?

The Self Revelations


  • 1 What are self-revelations?
  • 2 The 4 levels of communication depth
  • 3 How much to reveal?
  • 4 Common problems in self-disclosure

What are the self-revelations?

The self-revelations they are personal information that we offer to one or more people when we want to establish an emotional - emotional bond. In a way it means express feelings, desires, tastes, fantasies, long-term goals, postponements, etc. Correctly and without excess.

Below we offer a series of tips for you to enhance your social skills and know how to offer an honest and sincere image of yourself, without bothering you or bothering others.

To carry out self-revelations there are a multitude of issues, such as: family, city of origin, way of life and future plans, points of view regarding marriage and children, reactions and discomforts, personal fears, thoughts about the old belief in God, life or death, drugs, triumphs and failures, old love relationships, moments of distress, etc.

Yes we want to communicate With someone we must first consider not rushing in relation to intimacies. People may feel uncomfortable if they are besieged in a short space of time with very intimate questions or self-revelations. Wait for the right time for it.

The 4 levels of communication depth

  • Phrases made: are rituals to start the conversation in which the presence of the other is recognized and the desire to communicate.
  • Acts: in new relationships, the most important facts in each one's life are generally explained; in the most entrenched, the most recent. Each person tries to discover if the interests that are shared are so many that the relationship is worthwhile.
  • Opinions: give a more personal view than the facts or phrases made. To express opinions, it is better to be direct and frank than to use general phrases such as "I have been told that", "there are those who say that ...", "I do not know but I think that ...".

Try to start your statements with: "I think that ..."; "I personally think that ..." "I don't know what you will think but it seems to me that ...".

  • Feelings: transmit an emotional reaction to an event, better describing how the person is.

Other ways to have topics to talk about are:

  • Have prepared topics related to something that has been read, or movies, etc., a story of a funny experience during the week or a long time, etc.
  • Mix statements of opinion and information. Asking a question at the end is a good strategy to keep a conversation going, as well as to make it comprehensive and interesting for both you and the other person.
  • Try not to interrupt while the other is talking to you.
  • Even if there are nonverbal ways to communicate something about himself, what helps to have a conversation is what he communicates about himself verbally. People want to know where you work, where you live and where you are going.
  • In general, it goes much more on account communicate honestly who is one, that try to give an image too favored. The fact of creating a false public image is something that should be corrected later, especially if subsequent relationships are foreseen. If you don't like some things about yourself, it is better to change them than to give a false image. It is easier and you will feel more comfortable if you don't have to look different than the one you actually have.

How much to reveal?

As relationships become more frequent and lasting, you must reveal a different kind of information about yourself in order to maintain the conventions of friendship. It is one thing to reveal what you think - interests, likes and dislikes - and another thing is to reveal what you feel.

When the facts allow the exchange of feelings between people, the affection is always the same: reaffirm friendship and bring the two people in question closer.

The expression of feelings must always be proportionate to the degree of esteem and intimacy that exists between the two people. The more exchange of feelings, the more satisfying and intimate are prolonged relationships.

The person who reveals everything about himself, of their abilities, weaknesses, problems, conflicts or feelings it establishes with the other unfeasible and negative relationships as much as the person who reveals too little about himself and who strives to give a false image.

After assessing the character of a relationship you should decide to what extent you can reveal your secrets and feelings. The fact of being too concrete, detailed and precise in the expression of feelings, is not only especially inappropriate in an informal friendship, but also causes some discomfort and confusion in which he hears, if he does not usually reveal feelings, this prevents That the relationship develops and can become friendship. Also, by not expressing feelings, equivocal situations occur, which can be the cause of irritability, frustration and conflicts that result from it. One also creates an image that things do not affect him, and then he has to make an enormous effort to keep up with the image he has offered.

Total reserve is not healthy and excessive openness is inadequate.

If people turn away from you, it is surely because they do not allow them to know you, or because they expose your emotions too intensely and overwhelm you by asking them for support, sympathy, total understanding.

Good conversations take place with self revelations of each of the parties. It is gained in camaraderie and approach by expressing feelings, tastes, fantasies, desires, long-term goals.

Discovering yourself before the other person promotes in her the feeling that her own feelings and intimacy are shared.

A possible list of topics could include the following: parents, brothers and sisters; city ​​of origin and growth; their way of life and future plans; their views regarding marriage and child custody; their reactions and discomforts; his personal fears; your thoughts about old age; their beliefs in God, life and death; his handling with drugs; his triumphs; your old love relationships; Your moments of anguish.

Common problems in self-disclosure

Project a false image

  • It may be rejected because the other person does not like this "perfect being" that one presents.
  • You may be attracted to the positive image but you know that this is not him.
  • Sooner or later you can discover the lie.

Don't believe us

To increase the chances of being believed we must:

  • Be specific describing the sensations.
  • Reveal some negative aspect of oneself.
  • Let yourself be convinced: instead of immediately stating an opinion, discuss with the interlocutor the pros and cons of the problem, and finally draw a conclusion.
  • That there is no ambiguity in expressing one's opinion: Do not do it in the third person and with questions, but in the first person and with affirmative phrases.
  • Don't talk a little for fear of boring the other person.

Revealing private information about ourselves to another person is a assertive technique Very effective, not only in social conversation but also when a conflict arises between us and another person.

Voluntary self-disclosure should not be confused with the act of vomiting involuntary self-derogatory confessions, automatic and almost conditioned.

Our voluntary disclosure of negative factors about ourselves and our own acceptance of them is probably the most powerful and effective assertive technique to avoid manipulation and achieve peace of our spirit. If others react to our assertive revelation of our inner Self and our concerns trying to convince ourselves that we "shouldn't" or not "have the right to think or feel that way," our response will be simple and straightforward: "It's possible, but this is what I feel." Faced with an honest and honest response like this, it is impossible to use manipulation. When we formulate a self-revelation of this kind, the person with whom we are interacting must respond to us on the same level of honest personal desires or not deal with us at all. As we will see in many of the dialogues, the proper use of voluntary self-disclosure is effective in dealing with people of a manipulative nature, whether they are used car dealers, dependents, home brokers, businessmen, mechanics, co-workers. , bosses, friends, neighbors, relatives, parents or our children, as well as as a means to improve our conversation and social communication techniques.

Maybe you might be interested: Assertive communication

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