The link between jealousy and trust is direct.
There are two levels of trust that it is important to analyze when we talk about jealousy:
- Trust in the other person
- Self confidence.
We are going to dedicate this article to the second level, because once we understand this, we can realize what happens with the other level.
The Dictionary of the Royal Academy defines trust as "the firm hope you have of a person or thing".
So, if we talk about "self" trust, it is that "firm hope" we have towards ourselves.
- 1 But what do we understand by firm hope?
- 2 What happens if we have a good level of self-confidence?
- 3 Can a good level of self-confidence make me jealous?
- 4 Elements to understand the connection Jealousy-Self-confidence
But what do we understand by firm hope?
Almost all of us can deduce that it is something like put our desire, intention and conviction that things will happen as we expect.
Appear, then, aspects such as fear and betrayal. Or more exactly "fear of betrayal." When we put that "Firm hope" In something or in someone, we expect that our expectations will be met and the worst fears will not come true.
These self-oriented concepts, suppose the ability to betray us and live full of fear. And so, we come then, to the field of personal insecurities.
Both confidence and self-confidence are components of self-esteem. That is why the relationship between jealousy and self-esteem is also very close.
Let's see small examples:
- If I feel an unattractive person, I will probably be full of fear that my partner is interested in who it is.
- If I feel unintelligent, the same.
- If I feel little affectionate, more of the same.
And so, with any aspect of my body, of my way of being or of my behavior over which I have insecurities: I am distrustful of myself.
Distrust of whether or not I will be a "sufficient", "fit", "adequate", "eligible", "desirable" person for my partner.
When these fears and distrust of ourselves are installed in our being ...
- First, it is not easy to reverse this state.
- Second, everything my partner does (interact, look, show a taste for, dress in a certain way, a small change in their routines) can be threatening.
- Third, we don't trust the other person; because we have a distrust of root in ourselves. If we do not feel "enough", "anyone" is competition in the "market" of my partner's affections.
- Fourth, we don't trust the other person because in it we see ourselves with our fears and insecurities. "No one is trustworthy." And less my partner without her I have "my firm hope" that will not betray me or abandon me.
What happens if we have a good level of self-confidence?
Let's put the same examples, but in the form of a question.
- If I feel an attractive, intelligent, affectionate person, will that probably be noticed in my behavior and will be appreciated by my partner? Probably yes.
- If I know my strengths both individually and in the relationship, and as a result, I behave in a safe way, will he or she find it easier to value me and will they reaffirm their choice for me? Probably yes.
This combination of security and self-confidence will result in a greater likelihood of a quieter and healthier basis for trusting the other person and, as a consequence, jealousy will not have much ground to flourish.
Can a good level of self-confidence make me jealous?
Not necessarily, but it is a big step. Jealousy is a complex mixture of "emotions, feelings, thoughts and behaviors" and it's not as simple as saying "I believe in me", so they disappear.
But knowing and trusting who we are and contributing to the relationship is a great step in the way of getting our peace of mind when we love.
And we want to draw attention to the previous paragraph and the key in the word "know."
It is not possible to trust us if we do not do a job of observation, evaluation and reorientation of our being.
Today, more than ever, from neuroscience, through psychology and other related disciplines, there is certainty about how we are the builders of our own realities. So, independently of influences from the past, and / or thanks to them, we can “reinvent ourselves”, “reorient” our being towards goals or ways of being with which we feel more comfortable or more identified.
Therefore, if we want to trust ourselves, we must stop, reflect and identify as many elements that allow us to answer the question as closely as possible "about us?".
We can never answer this question absolutely, but we can analyze ourselves to find some answers.
The other extreme, not knowing who we are and not even asking ourselves, leaves us out of the game of the possibility of changing and improving.
Elements to understand the connection Jealousy-Self-confidence
With what we have said we can do the exercise of relating jealousy and trust in us with more criteria.
- One of the most problematic elements of jealousy is distrust in our partner.
- The trust in the other person is directly related to the confidence we have in ourselves
- Developing Self-Confidence can lead us to believe in us, have greater security and less fear in the relationship.
- To acquire that trust in us it is necessary to know who we are, to know us, to identify how we react, what are our aspects to improve and strengths, to know our own emotions and how we manage them, to distinguish longings and expectations for life in general and in relation to the couple relationship.
The graph would be like this
It does not mean that in order to start controlling jealousy it is essential to start with self-knowledge. It is not a linear matter. To start controlling jealousy you must start by wanting to control them, recognize that they can be a harmful element for yourself and your relationship and look for the tools to master them.
Share with us your answers to this question
What fears and insecurities in oneself can increase jealousy in a person?
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