All boys and girls, sons and daughters need to feel loved. We must ensure that this mistress personalizes in each one the children to maintain their individuality and, above all, manifests in all possible ways - verbal and nonverbal - to ensure that they feel truly loved.
- 1 Acceptance of children
- 2 Children's self-esteem
- 3 Communication between parents and children
The acceptance of the children
We must accept children as they are, although we do not accept some of their behaviors. We must know how to differentiate what the child is from what the child does and we must never show disapproval for what he is as a person but for what he has done at a given time (and that can be good or bad). We must help you to fully develop your possibilities and resources from what it is and acting only on the behavior that manifests, without calling into question your personal basis. It is not easy, but we have to make efforts to make this happen.
The children's self-esteem
We must try to create a family atmosphere and relationship with children that provides them with a positive and real image of themselves, that helps them gain confidence and personal security when facing any type of activity or situation, especially school-type or Learning.
The parents are like a mirror where the son is reflected, therefore, the way they react to certain behaviors or behaviors - to judge, criticize, praising, valuing, reasoning, imposing, overprotecting, ... - the attitude of trust they show and the way they speak to them, will determine the image that is he will make the child of himself as a valid or invalid person, useful or useless, worthy or unworthy of being loved.
Children want to please their parents always in everything they do, seek their approval and If what they receive is negative or contemptuous messages, their self-esteem will drop considerably and it will block the vital energy and the desire to do things.
This does not mean that when he does something bad we must let him pass, if not we have to make him see, but without using negative qualifications, which imply a judgment on his person, if not simply stating with respect what action is what has done wrong, explaining our reaction to what he has done and what we did not like.
Example: "you are a messy" is not the same as saying "I don't like the room to be in this messy". In the first example, we put a pejorative adjective on the child, in the second we talk about what we like or dislike.
There has to be a balance between praise and "anger", so we must value the son when he has shown a good behavior and has acted according to our rules, as when it has been the opposite. Sometimes we tend to look at what the child has not done or done wrong, according to an educational intention, ignoring the value that it can have for the child to approve, value and praise all those behaviors or appropriate facts both at home.
Communication between parents and children
That between parents and children there must be communication, it is not to bring any news. Now, how should this communication be? some
Here are some tips:
- Care must be taken not to confuse dialogue with the monologue, and communication with the instruction.
- During the dialogue you have to share what you are talking about, show real interest in what you are telling us with enthusiasm and, above all, there must be listening capacity and spaces of silence that give time to understand what has been said and Prepare the answer.
In this sense, We must have more patience when we talk to children of any age and try not to advance the answers, wait for ideas to be sorted and a reasoned answer is formulated, ask open-ended questions that involve thinking and not questions that only imply saying yes or no.
We must also wait and allow time for the need for communication by children and we must understand that at any given time they may not feel like talking and telling things. We can, in these cases, give communication alternatives such as graphic expression: drawings and stories. The child should know that: "When you want to tell me, you just have to tell me."
The role of parents, although it costs, is to maintain a firm attitude towards the norms and habits that we want to establish, give a good model that the child can imitate. At this stage, children develop a great capacity to perceive everything that happens in their environment both at a perceptive and emotional level. This fact is transcendental when it comes to getting a good relationship with children.
Núria Comas Fornaguera, EAP B-05 Badalona