Discussing our ideas is not always easy, especially because we are not sure how to do it. What questions can we ask ourselves to answer our questions? Thoughts such as: "As much as I study I will suspend", "yes or yes I will be fired from work", "nobody loves me" ... they are very frequent and think about their frequency and the discomfort they generate, we do not know how to deal with them. Discussing our ideas in an organized way will help us be more realistic with ourselves. and with our surroundings. Learn how to organize an internal debate and learn from it.
Discuss our ideas: rationality criteria
The first step to discuss our ideas is carried out by applying the rationality criteria. This is based on two aspects. The first one is to discuss an idea to find out its truthfulness. The second aspect assumes that the uncomfortable idea is true and as a result we inquire a little more about it. However, there is nothing better than showing it with examples. Let's get started!
In search of evidence
The following questions will help us find evidence.
What real support exists for this idea: is it objective? Does it fit reality?
Wondering about the objectivity of an idea consists of differentiate whether it is a real fact or is simply an unsubstantiated idea. For example, when we study for an exam we can say that we will suspend, and as much as we study we will suspend. What is the objective data to know that our idea is true? Do we have any proof that we will suspend 100%?
What real data I have to conclude that it is true or false.
This issue is linked to the previous one. If we continue with the example of the exam we can begin the search on data that confirm that we will suspend. If I study, how can I know that I will suspend? This type of discussion, we can transfer it to any situation or thought that bothers us. The same goes for those people who are hypochondriacs. Phrases like "My head hurts, what if I have a tumor?", are frequent in people obsessed with the disease. The question is, why do we think it can be a tumor? What evidence do I have of it?
Is this thought useful for anything? Does it help to achieve goals? To be happier? To change the situation? To eliminate conflicts?
What is the use of thinking that we are going to suspend? What is the goal of believing that we have a tumor in the head just because it hurts? The safest is that the answers to these questions are that they only serve to create discomfort. Imagine that our goal is to find work, but we repeat again and again that we will never find it, does this thought help us achieve our goal? The answer is no. A general level, our negative thoughts do not help us achieve our goals, on the contrary, they help us to paralyze.
On the other hand, It is important to think if our uncomfortable and paralyzing thoughts help us to be happier. To what extent do we feel better when we believe we are going to suspend? Obviously, these types of thoughts do not help us feel more happiness, on the contrary, they sink us a little more into bitterness. Nor do they help us much to change the situation for the better, on the contrary, by feeling worse our motivation is less.
In case of being true
Temporarily assume the possibility that the idea is real and discuss it.
What is the worst that can happen if this idea is correct? To what extent is it so bad?
These issues are a bit more complicated, since it depends on the type of problem. There are more difficult situations than others. For example, in the case of the exam, the worst thing that could happen if we suspend is that we have to recover the subject. Still there is learning: "learn to study better". On the other hand, if the idea of the tumor is confirmed, through this debate it is intended not to anticipate events. When we have some kind of illness, many of us are ahead of the future: "I'm going to die". However fair At the moment it is more than advisable and necessary to live in the present without advancing something that we still don't know.
What consequences does it have to be real? Are they so catastrophic? What good things could happen to me? What alternatives would there be if the idea were real?
As we have seen in the previous section, when a negative thought is confirmed, we can begin a learning process. What consequences does it have to be real? We can change the example and place ourselves in the case of a dismissal. The consequences can be very wide, however, with despair we gain nothing. Therefore, it is essential to ask the question, "What good things could happen to me?" In other words, "How can I benefit?". Maybe it's time to renew, to learn new skills, to get to know each other again.
As we can see throughout the article, what we consider negative, in most cases it is what we add to external events. That is, it is based on the pessimism that we add to a thought. In this way, we realize that a lot of negative situations, instead of being objective, are the fruit of our mind. It is therefore, so important, to learn to know ourselves and to think in the most appropriate way possible. In this way, discussing our ideas correctly can enrich us.
Vera, M. and Roldán, G. (2009). Social anxiety Practical manual to overcome fear. Madrid: Pyramid.